My Friend Hollywood (Top Photo) and Dolph Lundgren (Bottom Photo): The Same Person?

I felt the need to clarify who was who in the photos before I started, so as not to confuse anyone. I know what you are thinking....what is there to clarify, they are the same person. And, you may in fact be correct, as I too think that they are perhaps one and the same. I do not have a better photo of Hollywood/Dolph, but I guess it doesn't matter since they are the same person, for the following reasons...

1. The man in both photos can very effortlessly do the splits.

2. The patented scowl that says without saying things like "If he dies...he dies" and "I must break you"

3. The man in both photos struggles with the English language and is often hard to understand.

4. They look exactly the same.

5. When playing Mortal Kombat, they both get Sub-Zero every time, and always do the same finishing move.

6. Lastly, I have never seen the two in the same place at the same time.

There you have it, indisputable evidence, so if you see Hollywood/Dolph, give him a pat on the back or the wink and the gun and tell him "Good job in Universal Soldier" or "Rocky IV is the greatest movie of all time." He will appreciate it, and might not put you in the figure 4 leg lock until your bowels explode.

Until next time,

Dial'em In

Pat Garrett

News

Update: I have enabled the blog to allow non-members to post comments, so a username and password should not be required to leave a comment.

Wake Up With The King

I was going to write about big 4X4 trucks and the morons that drive them, but I had something else elbow and claw its way to the front of my brain, so it gets priority in this case, and don't worry, the other post will be up sometime soon. First off, I apologize for such a long period of time passing since my last post, I will do my best to keep that from happening in the future. The Steak had a fantastic weekend. Started off saturday morning with a trip to government canyon for some mountain biking, then a crawdad boil for the afternoon, and Aaron Watson and Jack Ingram at oyster bake on sat night. All in all, a fantastic day, much better than doing school work or chasing chickens....now on to the topic......

The Takeover of Burger King

As I was watching the new Burger King commercial for the french toast breakfast sammich, a very pecuilar idea was pointed out by my roommate Max Danger, and thus is the topic of discussion for this post. Por emplejo, (you are welcome KK), I know you have witnessed the commercial where the king attempts to push his co-worker off the construction work scaffolding suspended high above the ground after handing him his morning cup of coffee. Who could forget the king peering out from behind a tree to offer his compatriot the new meatnormous breakfast sammich to aid him in his chopping activity. These three things....two unbelievably fatty and unhealthy sammiches, and the consumption high octane "joe" at dangerous heights with an unsavory co-worker are the subtle ploy of Burger King to take over the U.S., one fat, lazy American at a time. It is obvious that the king is slowly picking us off in an attempt to take over. Which begs the question why? Why would the king lure us in, only to watch us waste away from high cholesterol and even higher expectations of a newer, even more unhealthy and meaterrific sammich. Sadly I do not have the answer....so get out your BeefSteak Home Detective Kits...because the first person to decipher this cipher will be sent one free autographed sixth grade picture of me, complete with glasses that are too large, braces, and a polo shirt buttoned all the way to the top.

Special thanks to Max Danger for bringing up this idea...furthermore, with the stress of school right now, all questions posted in the comment section will be answered, thereby allowing me to not have to think of my own topics for awhile.

The Gambler

BeefSteak...aka...The Steak

I feel it necassary and appropriate to unravel the profile heading of The Steak. Where did the name come from? How does someone get such a cool nickname? Why don't I have a sweet nickname like that? Why BeefSteak or The Steak and why not somehting like Kid Dynamite or Ole Baby Leatherface? So let me begin to deploy the explanation of the man, the myth, the legend that is the BeefSteak. Most self-appointed nicknames ultimately fail due to some attempt to make one's self seem way more sweet and awesome than they actually are. Therefore, as a friend to that person, one is obliged to dismantle this nickname with ridicule and unmerciful attempts to embarrass them in front of women. Many self appointed nicknames are usually something uber-gay like "Diesel", "Tank", or "Tiny". These are all good and fine, and even somewhat manly, but only acceptable to give yourself if you are a four year-old girl. But every once in awhile, someone gives themself a nickname that is so undeniably sweet and genius at the same time, that the earth takes a moment to stop spinning and give a tip of the hat to it. On a day when time stood still, I decided that I should have the nickname BeefSteak, and The Steak is also acceptable, if you are really busy, and need to save paper by using less letters. It was decided by all who were within earshot, and didn't immediately spontaneously combust from the atomic greatness of the whole ordeal, agreed that never a more superb nickname had been given to one's self. So, before you decide to give yourself a nickname, take time to reflect on it, decide if you have the cajones to step up to the plate and throw down one as sublime as BeefSteak. If the answer is no, then save yourself the pain of getting stuck with a gay nickname and a plummet of both man and cool points. If the answer is yes, I can give myself a nickname that is as good or better than that, then you are obviously a liar and delusional. Until then, the BeefSteak will sit atop his throne of pseudonyms, with a cigar in one hand, and scepter made of solid Steak in the other, sipping the nectar of the Gods from a chalice made of lightning and thunder.

Next Blog - Big jacked up 4X4 trucks and the morons that drive them.

Until Then....Light Fuse and Get Away...but whatever you do, don't Panic.

BeefSteak

Dynamite

Well, recently I have noticed several things about commercials that are on TV, which are as follows...
1. Apparently, only black people like McDonald's anymore.
2. Sweaty chicks are hot.
3. That whoever the genius is at Applebee's was that came up with that Gilligan's Island theme obviously doesn't have a TV, or watch the NCAA tournament, because I found myself hating basketball just because that commercial was on so much and surprisingly sucked worse every time I saw it.
4. Rabbits are silly, and Trix in fact, are for kids.
5. You can get a great paying job straight out of school by attending a six week course to learn a trade from your computer.
6. Lastly, that Tag and Axe body spray, which seem way to gay for me, would help me pick up women with little or no trying whatsoever....spray spray...and BOOM! Ladies all up on the Steak. I could probably combine the two into to one spray, lather myself up with it, and walk around and impregnate women simply by mouthbreathing on them.

Well, off to bed, long day of being painfully awesome tomorrow.

Seacrest.....OUT!

Crazy is as crazy does.

Today's topic is one that every knows about, but I think people tend to shy away from it all too often. The fact of the matter is, that women are all crazy, it just is a matter of time before you see the true craziness at some point. The following are a few examples from my own personal observations, as well as the observations of others....
1. The fact that a woman will wear a shoe that hurts like hell, but keep wearing it all day for the sake of who knows what, because no man ever looks at a woman's shoe anyway, and other women just say how great they are and then tell their friend that they are the most awful shoes they have ever seen as soon as they are out of earshot of the person with the awful great shoes. Which leads to point two...
2. Women, for whatever reason will act like they are best friends with an enemy when they meet them in public. No matter how much they profess to hate this other woman (usually they will refer to her as "trashy", "disgusting", or "slutty") in private, they are suddenly best friends who exchange phone numbers and pretend that they will call each other, to only further perpetuate the saga.
3. Women will exchange cell phone numbers with people they only see once every three years with no intention of ever calling. This whole phenomenon confuses me anytime people exchange cell phone numbers with someone they haven't spoken with in three or four years.
4. Woman think that any event, no matter how insignificant ("I just want everyone to know that the bake sale was a big success") requires some sort of announcment that needs to stop the daily lives of others and quiet everyone down.
5. The ability to cry over things such as a dress fitting too tight or hair getting messed up
6. That crazy woman voice they get when they greet one of their friends that they haven't seen in a while, and a while can mean ten minutes or 2 years, but you all know what i am talking about....the "Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyy girl, I haven't seen you in so long you crazy girl you." This is all said at least two or three octaves higher than normal speaking voice, and all the words are drawn out to emphasize that the other party in fact has not been seen in a while, and is crazy. The list is virtually endless, so look for follow up reports on this one, as daily interactions with women show new ways for them to be crazy that I never even knew about. Feel free to comment with any of your own ideas to add to the list, because it truly is never-ending

Keep Walking On Air

Dustin Diamond

Law? What Law?

I have seen a lot of news lately about the protests of the new immigration law. As it was explained to me, this new law will make aiding someone in entering this country illegally, a felony. I have been surprised by the uproar protesting this law. I have several problems with anyone having a problem with this. If you are not committing the crime, then you shouldn't care what the penalty is, and the fact that five hundred thousand people protested this law is D.C. alone, is an obvious indication that we need more stringent immigration laws. Secondly, the problem I have is that many illegals benefit from government programs, all the while not paying taxes. I will have to double check, but I am fairly certain if I don't pay mine, it is a federal offense. The most disturbing thing I saw were several signs saying "full rights for all immigrants". I have no problem with this as long as they are legal. If they are not legal, it is the same as saying that I should be awarded benefits strictly by arriving at a location, and illegally at that. Therefore, look for me to be launching my assault on a major leagues pitcher mound, and if I get to one, I expect a contract and all the perks that go with becoming a major league baseball player. That analogy is really endless, just insert a place, and if you can get there, especially illegally, you are entitled to the benefits of that place. So if you don't like your boss, just beat him to his office in the morning while he is telling someone else to get his coffee. Feel free to post any opinions on this, so I can tell you that you are a moron.

Goodnight,

Buck Strickland

So It Would Seem

That's right, The Steak's blog is going one week strong now. As I slowly began to spew knowledge out my mouth and justice from my nostrils, surely fire will be rained down on those who do not listen. I saw a stray dog on my way to school this morning. I always feel a little sorry for stray dogs, because they are like dogs, but without a home. I feel a little better if they have a collar, because then I can at least believe that they have eaten a decent meal recently. If they don't have a collar, I always want to give them something to eat, like a pb&j or some skittles. I have just been alerted that mofro is in austin on april 26th, so I will now make plans to attend that show. Anyway, that is about all for now, as I have been sidetracked by a possible mofro show in the not so distant future, and don't have anything to update, as it is early in the day. Except for this...my uncle Randy, who is 50, currently has a 23 year old girlfriend....so big up yourself uncle Randy, and keep up the good work.

The man with the brass ones,

Tom Joad

The Lord's Highway

Well, all in all it was a good weekend for the Steak. Friday night there was some good basketball games on, which kept me from having to go out and socialize with people, so that is always acceptable. Saturday was a beautiful day, so beautiful in fact that I didn't go outside until after dark. Saturday night, went to see Chris Knight, the opening band was Pinmonkey. Both bands were outstanding, apparently Pinmonkey has been creating a buzz for quite some time in Nashville, which is why I haven't heard of them, but were a very good band, with a tight country sound, and great harmonies. Chris Knight was excellent as well, I have been a fan since my early college years, but had never had the opportunity to see a live show. The set was great, mainly because he is such a good writer and doesn't really have a bad song. The only downside was that Guy Forsyth was in town as well, so I had to miss that show. I highly recommend any of those three bands if you have the opportunity to see them. The cover is usually about ten dollars, and well worth it...or you could spend sixty bucks and go watch kenny chesney prance around and sing pop music's newest hit songs, which is the same as using sixty bucks to wipe your butt...but hey, what do I know, I am not famous. Well that is all for now.

Keep On Keepin' On

Sincerely, Mike Seaver

Can You Dig It?

Not alot going on today, which apparently is becoming the recurrent theme in my life. Since I am twenty five, it is still only mildly depressing. However, the other day I did happen by a radio program where someone was shamelessly plugging the need for America to have socialized medicine, as if this would somehow fix all our problems. Anyone who really thinks this is a good idea, feel free to post a comment on why it is so great so I can mercilessly dismantle the thought with the precision and cunning myself. Other than that, not too much has caught the Steak's attention as of late. I did watch the movie History of Violence, which was okay, but not near as good as I had hoped it would be, perhaps more violence or more history would have made it better. Well, that is all for now, have a long day of changing people's lives through dry humor and achingly obvious jokes tomorrow.

Currently listening to - Black Rebel Motorcycle Club....good band

Until next time, always remember that they have a chance till I pull the trigger.

Mad Steak Disease

Well, it has been awhile since the last post, as the Steak has been incapacitated due to mildly severe bouts of stomach virus. That's right, haven't been sick in a good long while, but it hit mid-afternoon on sunday, and I am still in a slight post-sickness slump as of now, but alas, even when your pants are on fire, you should keep on dancing. Not alot going on, nor do I have anything that has troubled me too much lately. I am busier than a one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest at school, and will be for the weeks to come, and sadly, school tends to make it difficult for me to reach my full literary prowess at times. So, I will leave you with this...

The Steak's weekend schedule

fri. - school all day, and an uneventful night of sitting in my recliner
sat. - lab work by day, chris knight concert by night www.chrisknight.net
sun. - church in the am, lab work in the afternoon, and family guy in the pm followed by a chat with chris

I will keep you posted on the details....and always remember, when you ask yourself why....the answer is always "because that is what Cody Ender would do"

The County Line

Bruce Robison played a free show at the County Line tonight, sadly, I had to miss it due to some work that needed to be done. The new cd is out april 4th, should be a good one.

Quite Frankly

I used to enjoy the title saying until I saw that ESPN gave that clown stephen a smith his own show with that very title. Apparently, he didn't get the memo that when in a discussion, volume does not equal being right, therefore causing him to make an unprecedented amount of asinine comments, that usually are only backed up by more yelling. I decided to try this approach in day to day affairs, I was shocked that in reality, people aren't as receptive to this novel idea of communication. That is all for today, have to go to school and get some work done, and my fingers would get tired of typing all the things about stephen a smith that are ridiculous, and quite frankly, I don't have time for that right now. Thanks for playing, Doogie Howser M.D.

"And the diamonds how they sparkle, in the lights of Loving County"

Music, music and more music. Sadly, music today sucks, and I hate it. I am not talking about good music of course, but most of you don't know anything about that. The majority of people I meet define music as what they hear on the radio, which is a travesty at best. The current dismemberment of music is spearheaded by such fantastic artists as ashlee simpson and kenny chesney, two cultural icons who, the former, couldn't carry a tune in a bucket, and the latter is the poster boy for being in the right place at the right time, by somehow getting a music deal with the same talent that most aspiring eighth-grade talent show performers possess. That is all for now, as I am sitting in a lecture that makes me wish I could somehow light my own butthole on fire to get out of it, and I must use all of my resolve to focus on the task at hand, which is creating the perfect NCAA bracket to win me enough money to buy the minutes of my life back that I have lost to this current lecture.